Typing very hard. I keep missing the keys. No depth perception.
Mind unfocussed. Left eye gone. Darkness. Remainder reducing.
Body mechanics unstable. No coordination.
I can no longer rely on my limbs to hold me.
I topple. Fall. Feel utter helplessness.
Lungs fill with fluid. Long, painful coughing fits to clear.
Everything takes forever…
Facing the unthinkable.
No longer safe to be mobile alone. While we await equipment, Tony has me make a ‘train” by standing behind him with my hands on his shoulders. We shuffle along. I lean my head against his strong back, immensely grateful for his unerring love and strength.
Hard to eat. Wasn’t able to for 3 days. Complications with medication.
Tony still brings me tokens from our garden How I love this man. It breaks my heart that I may have to leave him.
The hummingbirds still come. Bringing joy. And their story:
In the forest there lived a hummingbird, a rabbit, a deer and a bear. The forest was their home until the day the fire broke out. No one knew how it started but it swallowed up their nests and their homes.
Quickly the creatures scurried away; the bear ran, the deer leapt, and the rabbit hopped. And the hummingbird flew out of danger’s way. The animals stopped to rest at the edge of the woods by a pond.
Without hesitation the little hummingbird filled its beak with water and raced right back towards the fire. Back and forth, and back and forth it went, that little hummingbird, until it was so exhausted it fell to the ground.
“What are you doing?” asked the bear. “What are you doing?” asked the deer and rabbit. The little hummingbird looked up at them and said:
“I’m doing what I can
With what I have
Where I am.”